Saturday, October 10, 2009

Screaming Cavity

I have a cavity. Several times it comes to mind to see the dentist to have it fixed, and sometimes it escapes me. I suppose it had been dealt with -- I forgot. Now the cavity is screaming again, and the thought of its need for fillings comes back.

There was a time that I came to understand that my screaming cavity is my defense mechanism; it warns me that I have come to my lowest point of being fit. When I don't get toothache it means I still have some stamina, some chakras in store. Certainly this is not a good way to live: waiting for the alarm to go off then follow the Emergency Response Procedures. Waiting for the toothache before setting up again my schedule to rest.

In this condition I respect the most friends and relatives who comment with a mere smile, instead of revoking and giving free advice of how to lead a healthy lifestyle. I believe there's the kind of gratitude unwell individuals have when receiving sympathy; they (we) need moral support, not mental pushes which drop the spirit even lower than it already has due to being sick.

I had a toothache once in Samalona. I'm not sure whether at that time it already served as an alarm or not; it didn't even occur to me to think that way. Those days I was so very fit -- on the other hand, muscle tasks were also so very overwhelming. Thinking back now, it could be the race between my well-being and my workload had started ever since I set foot on this island, and my screaming toothache that time was one of the moments of victory for muscle load (perhaps, hopefully, it was the only one moment. Let me think again ...).

Scarcity of medicine created a challenge of its own. I forgot if I ever took a medicine. Traditional ones were even unthought of. Castor leaves were not heard of. Mangrove leaves? Ah. Maybe I should have gurgled some sea water. Let's cut this useless 'should haves'.

What I remember clearly was when I lay down on the floor of the semi-open stilted house restaurant where guests used to have breakfast while enjoying the seaview. Ah yes! Vaguely I just remembered I must have taken some medicine. Only this toothache was so stubborn and my pulsing head did not ebb down like the sea around midnight hour in March. I chose this spot to rest because it was cosier there, not too windy but it has some breeze which I wished could be of some help. Still I had to struggle through the night wrapped in fever.

Somehow some time afterwards I was back with silent teeth again. It was the only time I had tootchache in Samalona, as far as I can remember, but this mind won't let it go. Maybe there's the bright side, as a reminder that I had been through a much worse situation than I have right now. Hmm, as a matter of fact, this screaming cavity seems to have ebbed down much for now.